Tuesday, April 24, 2012


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so then...a little reflection? heres to looking in the mirror.

skins kinda chard black..if i scratch my nose the skin would fall away and youd bare witness to my bones...not so sure im comfy with that. hindsight tells me to take my exposed skin out of the fire, but when u feel cold, ud give anything to burn.

this is all i think it means. 1+1 = simple enough. weve been taught it from the get go. but lets go beyond face value here. the trick is to eliminate the equation all together and just be one. its a long hard road to get there....building love between two is not as simple as boy meets girl, but true love is melting into the other person...and making an entity, building your own little empire....independence is bred in all of us. the jealous little brother who hates the newborn baby so much that it tries so hard for all the attention....and sometimes...independence gets its way. young love crumbles. ill say here and now ive always felt that the best way to find ones self is to be in love, the i have to find myself notion is noble as old hell, but does that necessarily mean that that has to be done alone? after sitting here for an hour thinking about it, i dont think so.

ive learned something from every single relationship ive ever embarked on...always something new about myself...and i learn things on my own too....dont get me wrong there, depending on love is dangerous. but, were conditioned to think of it as the be all end all of human existance, its used as a crutch, its used against people, sex disguises itself as love...the very notion of it is so versitaile that no wonder we freak over it. its one stop shopping for all your smiley little needs.

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my journey of solo self discovery has yielded some interesting things. getting damn good at a day to day routine weekwise...relaxing for two days weekends. i miss companionship sure, but my mind is so set on whats now, that any sort of thought of summoning up the love gods just seems tiring.......but theres always that spark...and wonderment at the back of my mind...who will it be? when will it happen again. the whole point here is....we think we control it. we dont. no matter how independent or immune we think we are as single hard nosed twentysomethings i just want u all to bathe in the humility that is this sooner or later, love will stop us dead in our tracks...and all of a sudden...ure sucked in. the whiplash u get is from your futile attempt to pull the emergency brake. ouch. put some ice on that champ. it will find u. and be not afraid.

so many questions...and for the first time, my love and convictions just cant cut it....time to pull the curtain back....p-r-i-v-a-c-y....its priceless to me.

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