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DIVORCE Divorce rates in the United States have increased
dramatically in the past 5 years. Over 40 percent of the marriages among
young Americans will end in divorce. There is a lot of stress on all the
people involved. The man has to deal with, usually, not seeing his
children, being alone, and the responsibility that is accompanied with
much of the legal process. The wife has to go through, maybe, entering
the work force for the first time. Children are often viewed as a back
burner issue but more often than none they are the center piece of
discussion. The children may begin feeling inadequate around their
friends and even in personal esteem. Feeling like it is their fault they
might get depressed or perhaps even rebellious. Regardless, divorce is an
activity that has become common place in todays family structure,
behavior, and morality. When two people meet and decide their love
is strong enough to carry them to the next level marriage is usually the
out come. Sometimes they decide to have children and sometimes they
dont, but when they do, it usually brings them closer together. All
parents have desires and hopes for their children. The way in which
parents achieve these ends can differ. Researchers do not agree on which
of the child-raising practices is best. But it is known that parents
provide role models for their children and that children rely on their
parents to teach them about the world. When a cultures values and
traditions undergo a rapid change it becomes difficult to decide which
attitudes and beliefs children should be taught. As one researcher has
stated, todays children are the first generation to be raised amid doubt
about the role prescriptions that have long gone unchallenged. This makes
their socialization especially difficult. Traditionally, socialization
was a process of raising the young to fill major roles in society when the
present incumbents vacated them. Yet today we do not know what type of
society our children will inherit, nor the roles for which they should be
prepared. (pp.4) Divorce along married couples is the most
well-documented and studied of the various ways relationships end.
According to Dworetzky Divorce rates in the United States have
increased dramatically in the past 5 years. According to current
assessments, over 40 percent of marriages among young Americans will end
in divorce, of the children born in the last ten years, almost 50 percent
will spend on an average of six years in a one- parent household. Nine
out of ten children will reside with their mothers. Between and
11million school-age children in the United States live in one-parent
families. About one-half of all divorces occur within the first seven
years of marriage with the first two to three years being an especially
vulnerable time period for divorce.(pp.47-6) The actual rate of divorce
may only represent a small amount of the problem. It is unknown how many
marriages end in non legal separations or how many married people stay
together in an empty, essentially dissolved, relationship for the
childrens sake. Of course, you do not have to be married to
experience a separation from a close relationship. If we add to the
official divorce rate the number of cohabitation couples who break up,
those who terminate their engagements to marry, break-up, steady dating
partner, or otherwise bow out of a relationship, several million couples
end intimate relationships each year.(pp.7-8,0) So, why do
people separate? Unmarried couples give us a number of reasons for
separation. In one study, researchers followed over 00 couples for a
three year period. During this period of time, more that one-half of
them ended the relationship. Seventy-eight percent of the men and women
listed boredom as the major reason for the separation.(Kolata pp, 4)
Apparently their romantic, passionate love had lost its power and there
was little else between them. Couples reported other differences in
several areas as caused for breaking up, including differences in
interests, hobbies, outside of the home activities, religion,
intelligence, and education. Almost two-sixth percent of the men and
women felt their sexual attitudes contributed to the separation.
Arguments about the frequency and types of sexual activities became major
barriers to living happily together.(pp.1-160) Among married
couples, similar issues are the reason why people have other problems. An
important wife should stay with in the traditional roles; that is, the
man earns a living and the wife stays home and takes care of the house.
There are conflicts when women begin having different desires. In
addition, when married women work, they are still expected to do more than
their fair share of household and childbearing chores. In effect, they
find themselves with two full time jobs.(pp. 8-104 Understanding)
Conflicts over roles is becoming an important factor in whether married
couples remain together. Separations present two challenges to our
ability to adjust. On one hand we must cope with the additional stress
that enters our lives. Studies of divorced men and women, for example,
provide a number of illustrations of the types of stress to which people
must adjust. Divorced men often find themselves working longer hours to
meet alimony payments. Since courts usually award the mother the custody
of children, men have longer periods of separation from them. Men also
find they dislike spending time alone. Many divorced women find
themselves in the working field for the first time making less money than
their husband did. Feeling helpless, lost, isolated and in a deep state
of depression they soon feel trapped by the children and the new
responsibility put on them. (pp.56-6 Psychology Today) The division to
divorce, the process of a divorce, and the postdivorce adjustment, are all
very stressful. It is not uncommon for the divorced partner to experience
hurt, resentment, and anger. To many people, divorce signifies failure in
an extremely important relationship. Lowwer self-esteem and feelings of
worthlessness and reduction are also common and stress producing results.
If children are involved, the stress can be even greater. Researchers now
believe that the most important influence on the emotional health of
children its the quality of their relationships within their family,
however that family might be structured, according to Robert Every, a
psychologist at the University of Virginia. For example, psychologists
used to think that boys needed their father within the home until at least
age of seven or eight. Now, they have discovered that the physical
presence of a father in the family are warm and supporting adults. This
shift occurred partly in recognition of the changing American family and
the changing demographics of divorce. The focus on relationships also
means that if divorced parents are angry and bitter, children will suffer
and they will suffer more if they are exposed more to the conflict through
joint custody.4(pp.0-46) Parent-child interactions may become
difficult, because the children of divorced families tend to exhibit more
inappropriate behavior that those in intact homes. Many children respond
with anger and fear to divorce. It is also common for children who do
feel guilty or in some way responsible for the divorce and to become
withdrawn and depressed. Most children can adapt to a divorce within a
couple of years, but, if the crisis is aggravated by additional stresses
or conflicts, serious developmental disruptions may result. Whether
children fare well may depend on their temperament, their past experience,
their age, and the support they receive from their parents .5(pp.
18-17) Such parental support is often lacking, because parents are so
wrapped up in their own problems during a divorce that their ability to
function as parents diminishes. Although children may fare well in
single-parent families, the chances increase that they will face problems.
There are many stresses associated with divorce. These include the
disruption of bedtimes and eating schedules, the effects of the parents
emotional state, and the lessening of adult contact. Also, the level of
income in the household usually decreases, and this may produce more
stress. Less income may require the parent to move, which in turn may
cause the child to behave to change of schools or move to a poorer
neighborhood with a higher rate of crime and delinquency.(pp. 170-174)
Divorce is happening every day to couples in the United States. The only
problem, is that the couple thinks they are the only ones going through it
when almost twenty-two percent of adult America is also. When parents get
divorced the children get divorced too. Children and adolescents face a
lot of stress during their lives, but divorce is very confusing, speaking
from personal experience. It can be too much stress to peoples lives
but they also present opportunities to form new relationships and to
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